Good Boundaries Begin with You

Start with who you are, and go from there.My journey, like so many of us, required me to understand who I am. Until that happened, I could not draw a line in the sand and find it still there in the morning. The ocean of life kept washing it away.

There was still something to learn about me and why I kept losing my place in the world. This is why a good boundary starts with being who you really are.
Figuring out who you are and what is important to you before you start drawing lines all over the place is a great way to help others understand what you are all about. As you build your confidence, it builds their confidence. They know what to expect from you, and your predictability helps them respect your boundaries. So when they test them, you can see it for what it is, a test rather than an unforgivable breach.

For me, choosing to become a spiritual healer proved to be a perfect way to discover myself. Being a healer is the canvas on which I play in my world. I experimented, learned, took risks, failed, and started again on this canvas. I could have chosen a number of other canvases, it doesn’t matter really, but listening to my yearnings to work with spiritual healing has made the journey much more fulfilling for me. Also, the metaphysical teaching provided a beautiful way for me to go within and start looking at myself. Observing all the complexities of my experiences has led me to appreciate who I am and given me a glimpse of how God sees me. I know I’ve talked about this idea before in my other blogs and it still proves to be a very powerful tool for learning to love yourself. That alone taught me to value who I am and keep the flame of desire to be me bright and alive. It really helped me through the times when I couldn’t give a client what they wanted without compromising myself. If I didn’t know myself or my boundary I could have easily been pulled in the direction of my clients’ trauma. I would not be honoring their spiritual process nor would I be able to hold the space for them.

I am not God, or their fairy godmother and I have to be strong enough to draw that line, be confident in it, and know my clients will get where they are going because of their own effort and divine guidance. My clients count on me to hold my boundary tough. It allows them the space they need to process their experiences safely without fear that I will go down with their ship. My boundary creates trust and faith in the divine guidance being offered.

Fear of saying no is another way the ocean of life dissolves your line in the sand. There is only one thing that causes you to commit to things you don’t want to do and that is fear itself. You are afraid of something and it keeps you from being true to yourself. I completely understand this fear. I have looked this one in the face many times. I may be biased but this could possibly be the biggest saboteur to your boundary’s stability. I recommend getting help with this one and I don’t mean just from a candle ritual. As soon as you can, find a qualified coach or counselor to work this through with you. Until then or at any time, here is a candle ritual you can do to help you get braver about saying no.

  1. Use a Spiritual Cleansing Blessed Herbal Candle for this blessing. Carve your name into it and place it in a candle holder on a large sheet of paper. Draw a circle around the candle about two inches from the perimeter of the candle holder. The candle represents you and the circle represents the space around your body.
  2. Light the candle and invite the holy ones to move all unwanted demands on you out and away from you. Ask that circle around you to be filled with golden light. You may notice a shift in the pressure in your mind and emotions.
  3. Once that settles down draw another circle around the first circle. Repeat the request from the holy ones and more golden light. Do this a third time. Notice how you feel. If this feels complete and your mind and emotions feel calm and free, you are done. If not, you can keep going. If you run out of space on the paper, keep going but just with the verbal request.
  4. When you are done with this ritual, ask for extra protection to be placed around you. Spray some Ninja Power Wicked Good Spray around you before going out. It will help your aura stay stable and strong the next time you have to say no.
I have done this exercise when the holy ones put 100 circles of light around my client. It was a very powerful exercise for her and I was impressed to find out that she picked up and moved into her own place and away from her difficult situation just a week after her session.