This is not a test. There will never be a test of your ability to be perfect. There is only the messiness of life so turn off the DIY home improvement shows, leave your overfilled cart in the craft store, close the Good Housekeeping magazine, step off the treadmill, and get back into your body.
It's time to celebrate your messy, imperfect self.
There is a growing lie out there and it only gets worse during the holidays. This lie is told to us by the chaos of judgmental voices in our heads that say if we just do this next thing perfectly we will be accepted, admires, loved, and free of all the pain that past judgments have caused us. We are inundated with external voices of advertising that tell us that children judge our yellow teeth, diets will save us from being outcasts in society, and that a perfect parent makes Rice Krispy treats while helping their four children complete their calculus homework. It's all a lie because life is messy, emotional, damaging, inspiring, and plain old boring at times.
Perfection is the lie and trap that gets us in trouble over and over again. Geneen Roth in her book "When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair" tells us "The fourth law of the universe is that for every diet, there is an equal and opposite binge." It's a trap that we put ourselves in, for every moment of perfection we attempt to invest in, there is an equal and opposite failure that our emotions define ourselves with. This is like being trapped in a game of tic-tac-toe where no one ever wins and eventually you just stop playing.
Every human has basic fundamental desires; sustenance, affection, security, recognition, community, safety, freedom, creativity, and identity. This messy life we lead is all about meeting these needs and our growing basket of experiences defined how we approach meeting those needs. Unfortunately, many experiences and messages that form that internal judgmental voice tell us that if we just master the art of perfection in our life all of these basic fundamental needs will be met. We will be more loved, more respected, get more money and have more security if we just get it right. This is where the lie is created because, in the end, we are all, every last one of us, more concerned in our own struggle for perfection than yours. Every judgmental statement made by others that we take in as proof of our need for perfection is actually that person judging themselves and has very little to do with how they are seeing you. We all are mirrors of each other and what you dislike in another is what you are in conflict with yourself over.
What if the truth is that we are not really judged as imperfect by others and that it's all an internal process that we are actually in control of? What if the truth is we are all so busy judging ourselves that there isn't much time to really judge others? What if we stepped off the need for perfection and stepped onto the patch of enjoying the moment in all its messy glory? What if it's not about how the present is wrapped and more about what the actual present is?
So, how do we get out of the perfection trap? We get grateful! When we value who we are today, the talents we have, and what we have already created in our lives we shine a light on our own imperfect beauty. Perfection is boring, it doesn't leave room for inspired mistakes, unique personalities, and interesting adventures. When we shine a light on our imperfections we get to be genuine, amazing and approachable.
I challenge you for this month to find 30 imperfect things that you are grateful for and that have made your life a better place. I challenge you to become empowered with your unique self and let the pain of your imperfection be released and healed.
This is magic, this is transforming your life, healing yourself, and embracing your power. Personal power is never found in perfection or even in happiness. It is found in pain, struggle, and failure and your ability to grow and thrive because of it. Magic is finding the blessing, the joy, and the divine in everything – that is when you transform and get all of those fundamental needs and desires met.
Live some magic with me today!